Retirement Planning
I'm close to being able to leave my job, and I'm struggling so much with the way it's so counter-cultural and people will think it's crazy! I want so badly to be home with my kids, so I know exactly what I'm running TO - not just running from my job. But 1) I'm scared of running out of money, 2) I'm scared of what people will think (I don't know why I care what people think!) and 3) I'm scared of healthcare. ProjectionLab says I have an 80%+ chance of success, not counting an inheritance that we expect to eventually receive. I've done enough research on healthcare to know that I CAN buy insurance and that cost is factored into my calculations. So, when I really access it, it comes down to being scared of going against the grain and what people will think! Our culture says to drive to make more money, so giving up a really great, high-paying job is crazy. I'm thankful for this group and the FIRE community for trying to normalize this concept to make it a little less scary! I'd love to hear more stories of people with kids retiring early - somehow I think kids make it scarier but maybe not!
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Hi Lindsey,
I am feeling the same way, although my kids are now college age. But I do worry about all the same things! I work with people who are close to 70 and I think that's crazy!! When will they get the freedom to enjoy all they have worked for?
But, in the end who cares what other people think. We get only one life on this earth.
Maybe you can give yourself permission to try it for a year or two and see how it goes?
I agree that it's hard because we are taught a fear-based way to see the world. What if I run out of money or I can't get another job if I need it? Especially as I am older, earning the most I ever have. . . Am I being ungrateful to leave my position now? Those are the fears that run through my mind. But I suppose I could flip it and say what if it is the best thing I ever do? I won't know until I give it a try. It just feels like taking a step that is so FINAL!!!
Yes!! We are thinking the same things. It does feel so final!! I think some industries/jobs may be easy to leave and then come back. I'm telling myself that my job isn't like that, and I'd have a hard time getting another job if I leave, but that could just be fear talking. We are definitely taught a fear-based way to see the world and I'm trying to overcome that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I love the idea of flipping to say "what if it is the best thing I ever do?"
My exit from my biotech career in my 40s was definitely one way, as was my wife's exit from IT. We did some consulting and ran a small business for 10 years then hit our number and moved on. There's no doubt you will have days you think that you could still be making that high salary, but if your portfolio is healthy and balanced, it's more likely than not it will keep growing after you retire. That will give you more and more confidence that you did the right thing.
As important as the finances, is all the other parts of your life you leave behind, and what you fill it with. Kids will take some time, but eventually they get more independent and move on. I spent the last 3 years caring for ill family members that have now passed (and glad I had the time), and my daughter just started college. Now I have a new chapter that requires new anchors/focus.
Finding a community that understands your situation is important, but I would encourage you to work on morphing some of those strong colleague connections into friendships that don't depend on your identity as a work professional. At some point you'll find those people that thought you were crazy, coming to you for advise, as they start to realize their time is limited and work may not be as fulfilling as it used to be.
Thank you for this thoughtful response!
I just read a NYTimes article about how the Obamacare subsidies are expected to go away to some degree, so that is another worry. Although, I would have to simply budget for the cost of covering my own and my kids' health insurance no matter what. You do what you have to do.
But I can understand why the fear of not having the same health insurance coverage might make me stay put. However, on the flip side, I know someone who is a talented actor and he works at Trader Joe's part-time just to have access to affordable health insurance. I admire that so much. He has figured out a way to give more of his time and attention to something he loves.
I am thinking more and more about how time is irreplacable. How do I want to spend my time if I don't have to do it for money? Or, maybe the answer is to take things in stages and adapt with: no work, part-time work, etc. Back and forth as necessary? I really admire people who work for themselves. That is something I have always wanted to try, but it seems terrifying. Taking on the life of FI is similar to being self-employed, so maybe it's not so weird?
Source: [
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/24/health/why-obamacare-bills-may-double-next-year.html?unlocked_article_code=1.oU8.P7MQ.8kYRNXCSZFWN&smid=url-shareLook, no matter what you read or hear it will always feel scary to pull the plug on a great income. An 80% chance of success in PL is not bad by all accounts - personally, I would not be comfortable with it even with kids in their 20s. That's just me though. You could think about a sabbatical, different schedule or different job in the same line of work. If you had the retire and you got your numbers and assumptions right (with a portfolio to withstand the market volatility), then most likely all will be well. What other people think will be quickly on page 11.
Part of your thought process here is influenced by the fact that when you are working, you are mostly surrounded with working people talking about their careers. When you are not working, you won't be as much. I do think as women we have some good "excuses" for quitting. If you don't want to explain to everyone the whole thing, you can just say you are a stay at home Mom and leave it at that. No one will even blink because there are tons of stay at home moms out there. If you aren't working, you will likely run into them more on weekdays at PTO, clubs, book clubs, kids events, etc. That will help it feel more normal to you. In my experience, stay at home moms overlap largely with religiosity so that is a consideration. It's probably a good thing if you are religious as you will be among like minded individuals. If you are not religious, it may be a barrier to you. Of course, there are many nonreligious stay at home moms as well. I just speak of percentages.
Anyway, my point is, there are plenty of people living off the beaten path lives but you won't generally find them at the office
This is such a good point! I do have a lot of stay-at-home mom friends because I'm really involved with the parent organizations at my kids' schools, so I think it would be an easier transition than it is for a lot of people. Since my husband is essentially a stay-at-home dad, working very part time, I feel like people are going to wonder how we are getting money, but that is none of their business! :) I just have to keep telling myself that.
What might help is spending more time with people who think early retirement is admirable and are working toward it themselves. That could help you start to see your early retirement as something totally normal among your (new) peers. Maybe start attending events hosted by your local ChooseFI group or register for the next CampFI event or EconoMe conference.
If an in-person event is a lot, the Two Sides of FI podcast could also help you start to normalize the choice to retire early. The focus of that podcast is on the transition into early retirement, lifestyle design and reinventing yourself. They sometimes discuss the awkwardness of other people's reactions.
Thank you! An in person event is a great idea, and something my husband can do also to see what it's all about. He would continue working but I'm the breadwinner (by a lot) because he was a stay-at-home dad for 10 years and now works part time. I've listened to a few recent episodes of 2 Sides of Fi but will go back through the archives. Thank you!!